Whatever the reason is, it got me to feel kampante because I thought I got him on my side. Wrong. When I got home, he went to my room and asked me if Carlo- the one I went to La Salsa with adn the one I talked to him about are one and the same. I said yes. He asked me if that's really my decision and I said yes. He went out of the room without another word. A minute later, my mom came into the room and told me to go downstairs.

When I went into their office, they were both there, which got me to thinkin "Ok here it comes.." My mom started off sayin that she trusted me, how could I do this, I knew from the start they don't want me havin Fil bfs but I still went behind their backs. For my part, I started explainin the best way I could coz I konw this convo, whatever the outcome may be, will play a really big part on how we deal with each other from the day after till whenever.

Let me just cite whatever point that comes to my mind.

Parents: You knew we're not gonna approve of that, why did you still do it?

Me: because I thought that you were gonna be openminded about it and hear my side out and be fair.

Parents: Ang mga Fil, 9 out of 10 ndi ok.

Me: I know, but what if sa 9 out of 10 na un, sha ung 1?

Parents: Why settle for anythin less? Andami dyan, chi pa. pwede ka namang pumili e.

Me: Coz sa lahat ng nakilala ko, Fil man or Chi, sha ung pinaka-kasundo ko.

Parents: In what way? napaka western mo kasi mag isip.

Me: Pano naman ako naging western mag isip?

And she went on about how I would complain whenever we eat at Chinese restaurants. OFF TOPIC DIBA!? In the first place, if you had Chinese food bein stuffed down your throat since the day you can eat solid food, wouldn't you be really tired of it by now?

Parents: Ndi naman sa pinagbabawalan namin kayong mag bf, open naman kami e. We treat you as friends and not as anaks, whatever you want to tell us, we will listen.

Sa isip ko, tlga lang ha!? if that is true, then why are we havin this conversation at all?

So I told them, "Basta kaya ko nga sinasabi to sa inyo, to tell u my side, and I wanna get your opinion din. Kaya nga its up to him to prove to you na ndi sha whatever you're thinkin diba?

I asked them, baket ayaw nyo ng hwana?

They said na sila ung pinakamagaling manligaw, magaling mag promise pero magaling din mag break ng promise. Parang kano, pabago bago ang isip, one day kasal, the next day hiwalay.

E kaya nga pinapakilala sa inyo e. Para makilala, para malaman nyo kung ganun tlga sha or not, para maprove nya if ganun tlga sha or not.

Mga hwana magaling magpakitang tao.

Kayang ikeep up ng matagal?

Oo!

Kahit 5 years? 6 years?

Oo!

Bullshit! I thought.

Imposibleng maging consistent pag pakitang tao, lalo na pag ganun katagal, I told them.

So I tried a new way of goin about it.

Ok, baket ayaw nyo sa hwana? diba for ganito ganitong reason? E pano nyo malalaman kung ganun tlga sha e ndi nyo pa naman sha nakikilala? Sabi nya nasa sa tao, nasa personality, nasa upbringing, nasa ugali. E baket ayaw nyo kilalanin?

The fact pa lang na he's a pinoy, wala na ung first criteria, ndi na kelangang kilalanin.

Putangina, talk about racism. Fuckin pure racism.

They say "kua lang", meaning look at the person's ugali, not look at their physical attributes and wealth, so I mentioned this to them, e baket ayaw nyong kilalanin? Baket kelangan sa race?

E ang kua lang daw, tingin din daw sa race. That's part of kua lang na daw. E dun pa lang bagsak na, baket kelangan pang tingnan ung iba?

Again. Racism. Heaped with hypocrisy.

So I told them, kung ganun nga, a lot of people are sayin na the gurls from ICA are malandi etc. Since they are chinese, then that makes us malandi na rin.

And they proceeded to tell me that it's different, and that people are sayin lang naman daw na Icans and Xavierians are mayabang, like they think they're much much better than the others.

So I told them, ganun ba? Ndi nyo ba naisip na sa ginagawa nyo, parang ganun na rin kayo? Mataas ang tingin sa sarili?

Again, iba na naman daw yun, all those bullshit standard things they have told us before.

So I asked them what if I continue this?

My dad said na since ndi naman daw ako makikinig sa "guidance" nila as parents, then treat it na lang as ndi ko sila parents.

So pag tinuloy ko to ibig sabihin na ndi na ko pwedeng umuwi?

Bahala ka sa buhay mo. That's what they said.

I was really tryin hard not to cry, as I am doin right now while writin this. Walang patutunguhan ang usapan. Their minds are obviously set,the conversation is just a lecture, not a negotiation. So I asked them my last question.

So ndi nyo tlga kikilalanin before judging?

Kung kami ang tatanungin, ayaw namin.

I then told them.. If that's the case, nasira na lahat ng tinuro nyo sakin. Walang kwenta mga sinsabi nyo samin. Sinasabi nyo "kua lang", e ndi naman ganun ung ginagawa nyo e. Bahala na kayo.

I cried. I cried not for me and Carlo, but for my parents, for their stupid ways, for their misleadin front of bein fair and reasonable, when in fact, they are no better than those na walang pinag aralan. Buti nga ung walang pinag aralan e, open minded and fair pa rin mag isip. Tawag kasi dun morality e.

Now I feel like someone died. Maybe that someone is me, at least the way I look at my parents, the way I look at fuckin Chinese customs and traditions. To hell with Chinese principles. I'd rather be born on the wrong side of the blanket and have some moral principles that are fair and reasonable than be born into a Chinese family full of discrimination and shit, literally.

Now, I'm refrainin from talkin to either one of them. And I think my dad knows that I have some points in what I've said so far, because it seems like he's avoidin me too. Last night was a revelation, I aired out my concerns, even those from way before, and gotten measly "reason-coated" bullshit. Funny how one can change whatever they said way before to somethin they can use FOR them, coz they know they'e gonna be used AGAINST them.

How I wish that you can get to read whatever is written here, so you would know how I truly feel about you guys, about bein Chinese, about my morals in life. I'm not really good at confrontations, my mind tend to go blank when put on the spot. But given my own time to think, my mind is now runnin at full speed with additional questions, or pambara as you would call it dad, things that I should've said during our conversation when you said this or that.

I am not bein a rebelde, I just want you to see that I can be happy with my decision and that you're not always right, you can also be wrong at times. True, parents know best, papunta pa lang kami pabalik na kayo, but haven't you thought that the road you travelled a long time ago may not be the same one I'm travellin now? Haven't you thought that the road I'm travellin now has already been constructed all over again? It may have been paved with acceptance asphalt? That the people of our generation are not as prejudiced as your generation is? I'm gonna live with my generation. As much as the truth hurts, and doin some knock-on-the wood routine, your generation is dyin. Siguro by the time na magpakasal ako, wala na ung generation nyo.