It's been a while since I last blogged online. But I've been writing my thoughts down. Well, at least for one day.

Monday, January 3, 2005 ¤ 08.50am ¤

First monday of the first month of 2005. First day of work after a ten-day vacation. I am really sleepy as of now, and for lack of anythin to do, I've decided to keep a hard copy of my journal. Whenever I'm away from the computer, i got loads to rant, err... write, but when all is set for me to start typin, my train of thoughts stop. So now, every time I feel like writing, I'll just whip out this cute little notebook made of recycled paper. Courtesy of Papemelroti. At least I'm startin the year right by helpin save the trees and promote the use of recycled products.

It's a little hard to be writin thoughts down when I'm so used to just typin away. I have to slow my thoughs down coz by the time I finish a sentence and start on the next one, I've already forgotten what I wanted to write. I know, I have really poor short term memory. But my long term memory is really good though. Haha I'm not really good at organizing. My EnglOne teacher from DLSU told me that I write well but my thoughts need organizing. I write down thoughts as it is and don't edit them. Whatever comes to my mind is what I write down. Well that was then. Now, I don't even write well anymore. And I still don't organize. Haha

I'm 80% sure that I'll be goin with the next batch to study in Beijing, China. I talked to my dad yesterday and he agreed that I should go. Anythin to enrich our knowledge, he's fine with it. But I'm still hesitatin, what with my bro plannin to go to Japan after his graduation to further his studies and gain some contacts, and of course, there's my dad's treatment. Doctor says he has cancer of the liver and we know that the treatment will be really expensive. And studyin in Japan is not a cheap experience too. Same goes for China. I don't want to be a burden. I'm not helpin na nga, I'm gonna spend pa. Another thing that's holdin me back is that no one's goin to stay and oversee the A. Bonifacio office.

Myla and Dan are together na. She just called me up. Well, she tried to break it to me gently. She went.. "Sheila, ano gawa mo? May sasabihin ako sayo pero wag ka mashoshock ka?" Somehow I know na what she's gonna tell me so I asked her "Kayo na ba ni Dan?" Long story, but that relationship has long been in the making. She's gonna bring him along this Saturday so we can meet him. Really meet him. The one and only time I got to see him was sobrang bilis lang. At least I'll get to know the guy who captured Myla's heart. Nax...

Does anyone believe that you can be attracted to someone yet not do anythin about it? I do. Most guys don't. Probably coz they're always the ones who make the first move anyway, unlike gurls. This planet is sorely lacking in loyal guys, e.g. guys who have a gurlfriend and stay true to her amidst temptation. I'm not even talkin about one guy in particular. I know a handful of guys like that. It just makes me sad that they put their needs first over their love for their gurl. They're always sayin they're just guys (I don't even wanna use the word men) and blame it all on temptation. The song "Always Been You"? I've always hated it.

I like her, but I love you

She wants me, and you do too

But if you ask me who, it's always been you.

Yea, that song. Just look the whole lyrics up in Google or sumthin.

So the gurl's supposed to be comforted by the fact that even if the guy cheated, she's the one he loves pa rin? Fuck that. Either he loves you enuf to care about how you would feel or he doesn't.

Sometimes, the idea of havin a relationship scares me. I can be a real doormat when it comes to the guy I like. Even if I know somethin's wrong, I'll still hold on, turn a blind eye and believe otherwise. That bein said, I don't wanna be in that situation where I'm all Gomburza-like.

So for now, I'm enjoyin bein single until I find that guy who would make my heart beat in the most unusual way and make me feel all giddy inside but secure at the same time. Until I find that guy who would be everythin for me, I'm better off doin my own thang.

Thursday, January 13, 2005 ¤ 11.33am ¤

Why do Pinoys like hopia? Can someone shed some light on this?

It's all set. I'm goin to Beijing to study this end of March and I'm gonna stay there for 3 months. There's a lot that I'm gonna miss here...

One thing that hasn't changed about me through these years is that when I'm pissed, I stay pissed. My anger doesn't ebb away as long as the person in question doesn't apologize. Sometimes, even if he has already apologized.

I was supposed to meet up with this guy this comin Sunday, but my mom asked me the other day to go with her to Greenhills the same day. I can't say naman "I can't e I'm gon meet up with this guy." coz he's not even Chinese. So I YM'ed him yesterday and asked him if he'd get mad if I say I can't make it on Sunday. He then said he's known all along na I won't be able to make it. And he said somethin along the line of "puro salita ka lang." I saw red after readin that. I mean, I was willing to go around my mom's schedule and still meet up with him. I just said easy for him to say coz he drives and never mind na lang. I don't even wanna try meetin up with him anymore. He can just meet up with his gurlfriend. Yes, he has someone called GURLFRIEND.

Anyway, I played badminton last Saturday with my friends. Johnjohn played with us din. He and I have known each other since 2003 and have hung out a few times but it was only late last year that we get to go out more, with friends and otherwise. I think I like him, really like him. He always has this mischievous air around him that reminds me of a kid up to no good. I dunno why, but I'm just really attracted to him. When he went to the States for vacation this Christmas, Arlene and Vincent introduced me to this guy John (andaming John sa mundo!). He was nice and all, but I found him sorta lackin compared to Johnjohn. Parang I have more fun with Johnjohn than with John. So does this mean I really like Johnjohn, as in serious like? What if he doesn't like me and is just flirtin with me? What if he likes me but he's not lookin for a serious relationship? I just hope he doesn't read this. I've asked him to delete his link to my blog. SANA LANG!!!!! I just need to vent.

He's really good in badminton by the way. But then, so is Vincent and Dan. It's just us gurls that suck at it. hahaha And it's only us gurls who got hit at one time or another with the shuttlecock at some part of our bodies. I still have the aching muscles on my arm and butt to remind me of the game. But I'm lovin it ha. hehe

I'm finally gonna get to watch Oceans12 this Saturday!!! Ü